The Mentality We Inherit from Our Childhood Struggles
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
Trauma presents itself in many ways, often deeply embedded in the mental and emotional experiences we encounter, particularly in childhood. It can be defined as any distressing event that overwhelms our capacity to process it, resulting in unhealthy patterns taking root in our psyche. Early experiences of trauma significantly influence how we perceive and react to the world around us, and if left unaddressed, can lead to long-lasting effects well into adulthood.
The alarming prevalence of childhood trauma raises critical concerns. Research indicates that 64% of adults in the United States have experienced at least one type of adverse childhood experience (ACE) before turning 18. Furthermore, around two-thirds of children have faced at least one traumatic incident by the age of 16. Tragically, nearly one in six adults has reported enduring four or more ACEs, highlighting how swiftly trauma can affect us early in our lives.
The Many Faces of Childhood Trauma
Childhood trauma can take on many forms, with abuse and neglect being two primary sources. Growing up in an abusive environment—where a child suffers from verbal, physical, or sexual abuse at the hands of caregivers—can be deeply traumatic. It’s heartbreaking that those who are meant to provide safety and nurture can instead become the source of a child’s fear and pain. Emotional neglect is a significant contributor to trauma as well, arising from a lack of affection and support. This absence can severely damage a child’s self-worth and emotional resilience.
However, trauma extends beyond these more recognized forms. Bullying, in particular, leaves lasting scars, often worsened by the silence that surrounds it. Research shows that 40.5% of girls and 27.6% of boys who experience bullying later develop symptoms of PTSD, with effects enduring into midlife.
Reflecting on my own experiences, the bullying I endured as a child transcended typical teasing; it specifically targeted an unchangeable aspect of my identity—my dark skin. This challenge led to deep struggles with self-acceptance and a persistent sense of not belonging. Even though it was difficult, I never shared my feelings with anyone. It wasn’t because I thought it was insignificant; rather, I felt shame and the fear of judgment. I genuinely believed it would be safer to shoulder this burden alone. As a result, this silence taught me that some pain was mine to carry, leading to patterns of emotional isolation that I dealt with for many years.
Another frequently overlooked source of childhood trauma is the constant sensation of being misunderstood. This disconnect between our true selves and the expectations of others often starts very early in life. As a teenager, I frequently sensed that my thoughts and actions deviated from the “norm,” prompting me to question whether something was inherently wrong with me, rather than acknowledging the value of my unique perspective. When children feel ignored or misunderstood by caregivers or peers, they may develop lasting beliefs about their self-worth and identity that persist into adulthood.
How Childhood Pain Shapes Adult Minds
The effects of early childhood abuse, neglect, misunderstandings, and bullying can have profound and lasting impacts that often escape our immediate awareness. Childhood trauma becomes deeply embedded in our unconscious memory, subtly steering our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors throughout our lives. Those who have experienced such trauma frequently develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and face challenges in managing their emotions. They may become hyperaware of perceived threats and find themselves easily overwhelmed by anxiety or stress. Survivors of childhood trauma often face a heightened risk of issues such as substance abuse, eating disorders, personality disorders, suicidal thoughts, and depression.
The Science Behind Early Impressions
Neuroscience sheds light on why our childhood experiences have such a profound influence on us. During the first seven years of life, our brains undergo what scientists refer to as “critical periods”—times when neuroplasticity is at its peak, making us incredibly receptive to environmental stimuli. During these formative years, a child’s brain forms neural pathways at an astonishing rate, meaning that experiences can physically alter the brain’s structure and functioning. Research shows that children who endure trauma or chronic stress during this critical phase often develop altered stress response systems and emotional regulation patterns that persist into adulthood.
Studies show that the effects of childhood bullying can linger for as long as 50 years. Victims often report higher rates of anxiety, depression, and even an increased risk of premature death. Approximately 20% of those who were bullied as children continue to face mental health struggles well into adulthood.
These early experiences create what are known as “survival mentalities”—ways of thinking that helped us cope as children but can hinder our adult relationships and sense of self-worth. For example, a child who has been bullied may constantly scan social settings for potential threats while remaining on high alert for being targeted again. Similarly, someone who often feels misunderstood might alternate between trying to fit in for acceptance and pushing others away to protect themselves from feeling unseen.
Understanding Our Triggers
Triggers are events that can activate unconscious traumatic memories, often leading to emotional distress or unhealthy behaviors. For example, a child who faces harsh criticism for minor mistakes might develop perfectionistic tendencies as they grow up. As an adult, this person may become excessively hard on themselves over minor errors, as the unresolved trauma can easily resurface, forcing them to relive the emotional pain from their childhood.
Similarly, someone who has been bullied may find that even playful teasing or criticism can trigger strong reactions. Additionally, a person who feels misunderstood might overreact to being interrupted or having their ideas dismissed, reinforcing their most profound fear of not mattering or belonging.
Triggers can arise from significant events, such as abuse or traumatic experiences, but they can also stem from more subtle stimuli like particular words, smells, sights, or sounds. Reflecting on my own journey, I realize that feeling misunderstood due to my unique perspectives, along with the hidden impacts of being bullied, shaped my belief that I was “different.” These childhood conclusions lingered into adulthood until I learned that what I had viewed as flaws were often simply aspects of myself that needed acknowledgment and understanding, not change.
The Path to Healing
Becoming aware of our triggers and grasping how childhood trauma shapes our emotional responses is a crucial step on the road to healing. Overcoming mental and emotional trauma requires time, a sense of safety, and guidance from a professional therapist. A therapist’s role is to help us make sense of what we’ve gone through during these painful experiences. They teach their clients strategies to express themselves openly and navigate stressful situations. Moreover, therapists can offer tools for managing difficult emotions, negative thoughts, and unhelpful behaviors.
Establishing healthy relationships, practicing self-care, setting clear boundaries, and mastering emotional regulation techniques can all lead to a more balanced and peaceful life. The mentality we inherited from our childhood struggles does not have to define us forever. With courage, professional assistance, and self-compassion, we can identify these patterns, uncover their roots, and choose new ways to respond to them. It wasn’t until I found supportive environments that celebrated my unique gifts, rather than comparing them to others, that I began to recognize my own worth.
As adults, the journey of healing often reveals some uncomfortable truths about how our childhood experiences have shaped our parenting styles. Through conversations with my adult daughters, I realized that while I encouraged them to express themselves freely, my initial reactions often leaned toward criticism—an unconscious pattern I inherited from feeling overlooked as a child. Despite my efforts to listen and understand their viewpoints, my first critical response had already hurt them. This insight underscored how deeply our childhood mindsets can take root, influencing our reactions even when we consciously strive to do better.
While trauma may have marked some of our past, with understanding, compassion, and resilience, we can reshape the narratives our childhood struggles told us about ourselves. We have the power to become the adults who show up for the children we once were, providing the safety, understanding, and acceptance that we needed then and still deserve now.
References
Bradford, J. H. (2023). Sisterhood Heals: The Transformative Power of Healing in Community. Random House.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). About Adverse Childhood Experiences. https://www.cdc.gov/aces/about/index.html
Idsoe, T., Dyregrov, A., & Idsoe, E. C. (2012). Bullying and PTSD symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 40(6), 901-911.
Knudsen, E. I. (2004). Sensitive periods in the development of the brain and behavior. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, 16(8), 1412-1425.
National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2023). Effects of Bullying on Trauma. https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/bullying/effects
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2024). Understanding Child Trauma. https://www.samhsa.gov/child-trauma/understanding-child-trauma
Takizawa, R., Maughan, B., & Arseneault, L. (2014). Adult health outcomes of childhood bullying victimization: Evidence from a five-decade longitudinal British birth cohort. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(7), 777-784.
Zero to Three. (2025). What is a "critical period" in brain development? https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/what-is-a-critical-period-in-brain-development/
Writing about childhood trauma requires a deep sense of vulnerability. For years, I kept these experiences to myself, unaware of how many others faced similar struggles. If any part of this resonates with you, please remember that your feelings are valid, and healing is indeed possible. The patterns we developed in childhood may have served a purpose, but they do not have to define us. I encourage anyone dealing with childhood trauma to seek professional support—healing doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Keep in mind the wisdom of Maya Angelou: while you may not have control over what happened to you, you hold the power to rise above it. The journey continues. — Natasha Marie✨
